Elliot Abram's Indoor Forecast for Christmas

12/5/2013 6:17:14 AM

In most areas on Christmas, a flurry of parcels from various source regions will accumulate under the tree. However, we issue a bright paper ad ribbon snipping advisory. If you see this type of activity, we warn you not to watch. It's the same advice we give during solar eclipses. Do not stare directly at bright paper, especially, if it is beginning to engulf other objects.

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If you have a live tree, we advise you to maintain proper water levels; otherwise, the tree will face hazardous thriving conditions. However, if watering is excessive, watch for flooding in poor drainage areas.

For Christmas morning, decreasing sleepiness and increasing anticipation is expected. It'll start with paper sticking to most rectangular surfaces, but later the paper will accumulate into ridges and mounds, finally drifting into specified receptacles and getting packed down. Authorities have issued a recycling advisory. With smaller packages, we have issued a watch: watch for unexpected watches.

Waves of happiness will run higher than normal, with flurries of thanks and floods of good will, especially at the time of highest Yule Tide. Back near the tree, a sharp warning or pine needle advisory will be in effect in the vicinity. There's also a no running with scissors advisory.

One more advisory in effect: too many cannolis can have an effect around the beltway.